your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
