I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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