I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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