it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
