I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
