Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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