So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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