i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
