I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
