Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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