I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
