On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
