Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you win again, gameday.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
