I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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