Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you would pick up someone in the library
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
