FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
