Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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