Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
