Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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