three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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