I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
