These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
