It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hippo gnu deer
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
