smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
