Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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