Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
