Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
