i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the day after is always just damage control
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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