The maid of honor just puked.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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