I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
third nipple confirmed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
