I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
