WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
