I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
