Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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