We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
