I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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