Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
