um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
