Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
