I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
