i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
