if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Randomize
