i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
