His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
