I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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