Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
