i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
