I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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