is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
