I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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