ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
