I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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