Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
