whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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