I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
